BY DANCIE AKIYOSHI, N.D.
Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:
Dr. Danice Akiyoshi
My cousin and I had a nice time planning a bridal shower for her future daughter-in-law. I booked a private room in an upscale restaurant that is owned by a dear friend of mine. She gave me a very good deal, and we were proud of how nice it was going to turn out. I was more than happy to host this party as a gift to the bride and groom, as well as my cousin. I was upset when my cousin called me in tears. She said her future daughter-in-law wasn’t happy with our food selections. She wanted to see the menu so she could select the meal and appetizers. She was also unhappy that we were planning to serve a traditional cake for dessert. She said, “That’s for old ladies,” and that her friends would want something different. I was furious, shocked, and hurt. This ungrateful girl did not deserve all the nice things we had planned for her. I wanted to cancel the whole thing, even though it was too late to get my money back. My cousin pleaded with me to reconsider. She asked me to speak to my friend at the restaurant to see if we could change the menu. I will probably do this because of my love for my cousin and her son, but I have decided not to attend the shower. Do you think I am being too harsh?
Bella
Dear Bella:
Wow. I am shaking my head. I know I should probably tell you to take the high road; keep the family harmony in place; turn the other cheek; allow this young woman to grow up a bit; do it for your cousin and her son; and go to the shower because it’s only one day out of your life. BUT…I’m not going to say any of that today.
When you allow people to behave in an abusive manner, with no consequences, you are giving them the impression that their behavior is acceptable. This is a huge mistake. With this immature, ungrateful, classless girl, there will be no family harmony anyway, so there is nothing to preserve. If I were in your shoes, I would let the party go on exactly as you planned it, with no changes. I say this only because you can’t get your money back. If a refund was in fact possible, I would cancel the shower. You owe NOTHING to this girl. Her sense of entitlement is appalling, and so are her manners. Do not accommodate her poor behavior in any way. Help your cousin understand that this has nothing to do with your love for her. The poor woman is in for a hell of a ride if she doesn’t learn to state her personal boundaries as well. If a sincere apology is ever offered, accept it, and start fresh. Holding a grudge is a waste of time.
Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.
Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passion for alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.
