By Michael Armijo
I sat there on the brown, lacquered bar stool, with my arms on the counter, my face in my palms, and then the crowd walked in. Although there was a group of them, one stood out like a court jester on the royal throne. He was obviously the life of the party.
In a beat of the heart, I saw a reflection of myself as the loud, happy, party-goer. I remembered being that young man, feeling life on the edge, living with joyful enthusiasm. And then in another beat of the heart, I saw something else that scared the hell out of me. I saw a reflection of my son.
You see, the life I once lived, I am not proud. And I was scared for my son. I knew he would have to endure many of the emotions whose presence must move us. I knew he would have no choice but to learn many lessons the hard way. And I knew he would have to travel some paths that I too had to endure.
But I was still afraid. I didn’t want him to have to deal with the problems that I was exposed to: the adult decisions I made as a child; wandering through life guideless and fearful. To walk a path that my heart still refuses to acknowledge existed. I was afraid for him. Although he was older at the time, he was still my little boy.
I still remember how proud I was, when for the first time, he reached first base in Little League. I remember how I felt when he caught the winning pass during his first season of playing football. He is a grown man now, but I can still remember his tiny little smile, and his cute little “Ricky Ricardo” hair style. I can still remember his playful joy, and his childish, comedic grace. Always giggling, always dreaming of being a superhero – a Ninja Turtle, Batman, or Spiderman. The many Halloweens allowed him to be them all.
Although I miss those days, the days of holding him completely in my arms, I can still feel his childish warmth. My son makes me feel proud over and over again. His kindness, his joy, his talent, and most importantly, his gentle heart, brings waves of radiance that shine on my soul. He is not just my son, but the ray of light that come from his wonderful heart brings me all the light in the world. My son will always be the light in my life, because he will always be my ever-burning Sun.
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