Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:
My husband is a mechanic who works for an auto dealership. He is a very nice man who takes on side jobs at our home on his days off. I know it gives him satisfaction to help his friends and relatives who can’t afford dealership prices, but my house is always overrun with people dropping off their cars. I feel like I don’t have any privacy. People come into the house to use the restroom, or if they are friends and family they think I want to make time to visit with them. I don’t want to be rude, but I have a lot to do on the weekend to keep things good for our family. I work full time, too. We have two kids and we only see my husband if we go out to the garage on the weekends. I feel guilty complaining, because my husband is trying to help people. He often doesn’t charge for his labor, so this is not helping our family financially either. I can’t ignore this anymore.
Frustrated Wife
Dear Frustrated Wife:
Your husband sounds like a decent man, but he is confused about how a family unit should work in order to keep the happiness and satisfaction levels in good shape. It sounds like you are in charge of the children all weekend, while he serves friends, neighbors and family members. I think your frustration stems from feeling like you are in it alone, and your marriage is suffering. He would probably feel the same if he were in your shoes.
Let’s look at a few things. Is your husband avoiding you for any reason? Have you clearly communicated your frustration to him about having no privacy or time with him on the weekends? Have you been over functioning on your own for a long time and he has come to believe this is acceptable? Sit down with your husband privately and set some boundaries. Discuss how the weekend routine needs to be in order for you to both have a satisfying experience. Do not wait until your resentment is so severe that you no longer desire his company.
Good Luck,
Dr. Danice Akiyoshi
Danice Akiyoshi, ND
