DEAR DANICE AKIYOSHI:
My daughter has started hanging out with a group of kids at school who are dyeing their hair unusual colors. When I say unusual, I mean green and purple and blue. So far she has only put a small streak of color on her bangs. I have not said anything, but my husband has asked me to deal with it. These kids are all seniors in high school, and aside from this weird thing they’re doing with their hair, they seem like a nice group. Can you give me any pointers on how to handle it?
Janie
Hi, Janie:
If the kids seem to be in good order with their grades and other behaviors, then I would be careful about being excessively critical. Your daughter is a senior, so I’m assuming that she is close to age 18. This is a very tricky time for parents. Sometimes teens want to exert the power they think goes with the magical adult age of 18, yet they are far from being an adult in most cases.
If I were in your shoes, I would watch and wait. Allow your daughter a little elbow room and observe how far she pushes her desire for personal expression. Sometimes when parents are too rigid, a youngster in this age group will rebel or bolt, and then you have a new set of potentially dangerous problems. I’m hoping your daughter knows your ‘firm’ boundaries and won’t cross them. If she does, then it’s time for the serious sit down conversation. Many parents choose to tolerate bizarre hair styles and wardrobe fads, knowing that these things are not permanent. Whatever you do, please think your actions through. As I said, this is a tricky age group. They need a lot of support and positive feedback.
Dr. Danice Akiyoshi
Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passion for alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.
