BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D.
Dr. Danice Akiyoshi
Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:
I quit smoking three months ago and it’s been super hard. I have gone from putting cigarettes in my mouth to putting food in my mouth instead. I have gained 12 pounds and my pants don’t fit anymore. I already feel bad and I know I need to do better. It was my birthday three days ago and my boyfriend had a treadmill delivered to my office as my birthday gift. I am self-employed and have plenty of room, but my face was burning with anger and shame when my boyfriend showed up during the delivery to ask me if I liked my gift. I never mentioned wanting exercise equipment in my home or office, but his message is clear. Feeling humiliated, I canceled my birthday dinner date with him and I am avoiding his calls. Why would he embarrass me at work when I’m already going through a tough time? I will never step a foot on that treadmill, I’m so upset. He should have discussed it with me, and the surprise delivery to my office ruined my birthday. He could tell I was quiet and said he was just trying to help me. What bull. I ignored him. Was he wrong in your opinion?
-Lisa E.
Dear Lisa:
First of all, I want to say congratulations on becoming a non-smoker. Quitting is a very big deal and quite difficult for many people. I agree, you didn’t need or deserve to be hurt on your birthday. What description fits your boyfriend the best? Is he completely dumb, insensitive, mean or passive-aggressive? I hope he’s just sort of dumb and he really was just trying to help you. Please take inventory of all of his other behaviors. If he’s mostly a good guy, write this off to poor judgment on his part. If he’s a passive aggressive, insensitive, or mean person who is trying to tell you that you’re becoming unattractive as you tackle your addiction, then you are probably doing the right thing to avoid him. Only you have these answers. Be fair though, you might be a bit edgy right now. Take a proper inventory of your relationship. Good Luck.
-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.
Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.
